Lost

Mother is lost in the fog of her ever diminishing memory.  Her focus of thought is becoming ever more narrow.  Yesterday as we sat in the living area by the front door watching people come and go, Mother said she wanted to talk about the family.  I asked her to name we girls, and she could.  I asked about her brothers, and she named them.  But the names of her sister-in-laws, her grandchildren, her nieces escaped her.  Even when I told her who they were, she just looked at me like she was very unsure of those names. She seemed to even be unsure about the relationships.  It was if she knew she has grandchildren and great-grandchildren, but she doesn't know how many or who they are.  The fog is thick in her mind.

It is impossible to "visit" with her now.  Even relating the events of the day or talking about the garden or the weather brings no real response.  She used to be able to make some kind of comment even if she had no idea about the topic.  Now there is nothing.  No comments.  No indication that what I have said has even registered with her.  More and more she speaks randomly as her brain fires here and there.  Her poor fog shrouded mind is lost not just to us but to her.  She looks out from frightened eyes and says, "I'm dying."  She is, and it is a slow, horrible death.