Losing More of Mother

Alzheimer's is slowly, slowly stealing Mother.  The medications make the decline more steady, but even so, there are times when the changes in her are more pronounced.  I see her almost every day, but this last week I have noticed that she has lost more ground.

She has stopped greeting me by name as much, and often I see her really look at my face before I am sure she recognizes me.  She often thinks I am "stealing" her clothes when I gather her laundry.  She is sleeping more, and her left hand is curled into a tight fist.  These are all small things, but they indicated decline.  We lose more of her, and I miss her.

Someone said that they don't visit because they want to remember her as she was.  To me, those are the ugliest words imaginable.  It negates the fact that she is still herself.  Changed and diminished from what she was, but she is not dead.  She is still with us.   Alzheimer's is a part of her life and who she is.  To only remember her as she was and to refuse to acknowledge who she is now is incomprehensible to me.  Don't we all wish she was who she was even 5 years ago?  Of course we cherish those memories, but to stop seeing her, to stop interacting with her, to set her on a shelf and forget who she is now simply kills her.  It is not love.  It is selfish.  No, she won't remember you visited after you leave, but she knows someone is there when you visit.  She only has the moment.  To not share some of those moments is to diminish the only part of life she still has.  Alzheimer's does not just affect the person who struggles with the disease.  It affects family and friends too, but it really isn't about us or how we feel or what we want to remember.  Love is about the person who suffers, and even in the midst of decline love is all we have to share.