Mother is beginning to lose the facility to name her emotions or to recognize what she is feeling. It is confusing for her, and I find it terrifying. It means that one more piece of her is failing.
She had enjoyed a program with music and some dancers at the home, and I arrived just as it was concluding. As we went to her room, she was so excited, and told me she had had such a good time. Then she asked, "Did I make a fool of myself?" She is still aware that she gets up and dances and sings with any music that is played. I told her she had been perfect. Suddenly, she was crying and saying that the people had been mean to her and she had had a terrible time. Where did that come from? She had been so happy and had enjoyed herself. I had to re-focus her to what a good time it had been. I named what she did and how she felt. She finally smiled again. Such confused feelings.
I can't imagine what she must feel like. She really didn't know what she had experienced or how she felt within just a few minutes. I had to name her emotion for her and tell her what she felt. It is pitiful for her to be so infant like. A baby knows she feels something, but she can't name it. Mother is becoming like that, but her emotions are so mercurial that I try to name only positive things for her and keep her focused on happiness. It is difficult. I try to leave her happy, but often I feel like I have been emotionally beaten down. I drive away crying and have to remind myself to remember the happy times and focus on the happiness.
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