Sometimes stimulating Mother's memory is worse than watching her forget. This week I found a coffee table book with beautiful pictures of our part of the country. It was filled with photos of the places close to her home and scenery from the region that were stunningly beautiful. I thought she would enjoy the book, so I took it with me when I visited.
Mother was in a quiet mood and just wanted to lie on her bed, so I sat beside her and in bedtime story fashion I held the book while we looked at the pictures and talked about the places. She got excited about some of the scenes and even seemed to remember some of the places, or at least she reacted to the names when I told her what the photo was. Then what seemed like a pleasant experience just broke my heart.
She started crying and howling as she does when she is upset. "I'm getting homesick," she said. I closed the book, but it was too late. The beautiful photos had caused her pain, and worst of all it caused her emotional pain. I moved the book out of sight and diverted her attention to her new wind chimes. Like a small child she was easily distracted, but the experience has haunted me.
Some memories are still with her, and she is still aware enough to know that she can't participate in those places or times again. It is difficult to know where to go with helping her remember pleasant times, but I have found one line I will not cross again. It is okay to remember briefly a time and place from the past, but immersion in it is only painful for her. I can remember, and I will remember her cries of homesickness for a long time.
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