Sometimes a decision about care for Mother almost overcomes me. Right now we are struggling with her oral hygiene. Basically, her teeth are rotting out of her mouth. She has been in assisted living or in the nursing home for almost two and a half years, and now we are seeing her mental decline manifested in a new way. She tries to brush her teeth, the staff try to help her and we try to help too. When she will let us, we floss her teeth and help her brush. I put on the gloves, trying to not get bitten, and I am as gentle as I can be. The problem is that she is constantly eating something sweet, and the brushing and flossing is just not adequate. Every dental appointment reveals more cavities. This time there was even a crown missing - apparently she swallowed it. Teeth will have to be pulled.
The dilemma comes for us when once again we have to decide what it best for her quality of life. How much money do we put into dental work that may be in a tooth that has to be pulled in a few months? How will this affect her diet and one of the few pleasures she has - eating? Can she tolerate the dental work? Just going to the dentist for a cleaning is a major event. It takes two people to get her there, and we have to hold her hand and reassure her. She becomes fearful and exhausted.
Sometimes I wonder if I am up to this task. A friend said to me today, concerning her parents, that she thought she knew about these things, but she is discovering that she knows nothing. I empathize with her. I sometimes feel that I don't know what to do or how to do it. Watching a parent die of Alzheimer's and dealing with the terrible, slow decline is horrifying. At each step there is one more element of decay to deal with. I am helpless before it. I just keep taking one step at a time and try to keep moving in what I think is forward motion.
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